Without even waving a radio under your partner’s window to prove your love, having a “song” can be extremely beneficial to your couple. Back on a madeleine Proust widely underestimated and yet very useful.
Like smells, music is often associated with memories, moments or people. It’s actually one of the most common – and most effective – supports of emotional memory. As a result, thanks to its commemorative power, music can become a real therapeutic tool, since it is in fact a window on our emotions and our past.
In love for example, it is common that a couple has “a song”, that is to say a common music that is associated with a key moment in their history, as the first kiss, the first I love you or an unlikely evening when you burned pizzas because you were too busy devouring your eyes. Be that as it may, it is linked to a strong and happy memory, which symbolizes your couple.
It is from this observation that Stan Tatkin, marriage counselor, began to use these songs to unblock conflict situations. He explains to the Mindgreenbody site that during his therapies, he asks the couple what their song is, and passes it by surprise during a session. By filming their reactions to be able to analyze them later, he realized that this had very positive effects: this song actually plays the role of an emotional trigger, and floods us with happy memories when we “activate” it. Charged with emotions and memories, she helps couples find each other. This is all its importance: this particular song is in a way a crystallization of the essence of their love.
“Only one of the couples that I helped reacted only with sadness and anger at the loss of what this song was, they divorced soon after our session, unfortunately, if you and your partner have a song, and that his magic has been replaced by resentment, I do not advise you to go to therapy, but to run there! “, testifies Tatkin. Here are 4 ways to use “your” song to boost your torque and learn how to use this emotional trigger.
1- Remember what makes the strength of his love
The beginning of a serious relationship is the antechamber of paradise: everything is simple, beautiful and exhilarating. And if your couple is running out of steam or going through a difficult time, remembering that golden time when loving each other was as easy and vital as breathing can help you get back to the basics of your relationship. Focusing on the happy memories that your song releases and conjuring them up together can somehow revive the machine. It’s a nice way to reaffirm your feelings, keeping in mind what makes your story worth it.
2- Give yourself a little introspection to two on your relationship
For a couple that lasts, it is essential to know sometimes take a step back to judge the direction taken by the relationship. In the same way as when one has shares in stock market, it is by following the courses that one will make them fructifier. And that’s exactly the role that your iconic song can play: it marks with a white stone every moment when you sing it, and allows you to look back on your whole experience as a couple. It is an ideal starting point for a shared introspection, a small hunt for memories … And possibly for small adjustments, so that the flame remains as strong as the first time you have decreed that “it was your song”.
3- Find your complicity
In the perilous meanders of routine, this song is a breadcrumb trail that helps you find your way to the other. No matter what fits you, this song that symbolizes your love in what is strongest and most beautiful helps maintain a strong emotional bond. It is part of the folklore of your relationship, and it is by drawing regularly in this potpourri of memories of happiness that you will also manage to stay the course.
4- Defuse conflicts and tensions
We do not encourage you to systematically play the card of “your” song as you pull down your last asset each time a tension is created: it is not a joker to pass his turn, but a tool that can help you to solve a conflict more easily. This song is a message for the other, a way to reaffirm one’s love. When you have a tendency to blow your throat and you can’t get out of the doldrums of scathing remarks, it can be an instrument to remember the essentials and purge a little resentment that poisons you.